


Where We Stand

by sammysouffle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Difficult Decisions, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, No Spoilers, Post-Episode: s15e06 Golden Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21536890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammysouffle/pseuds/sammysouffle
Summary: Cas finally reaches out to Sam after ignoring him for weeks.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 93





	Where We Stand

Sam’s bed rumbles with the buzz of his phone. A pained groan escapes him as he blindly reaches under his pillow. He pulls out his phone and his eyes barely open as he tries to figure out who could be calling him at this hour. Sam gives up on trying to strain his eyes and see the name on the screen and hits what he assumes is the green button as grumbles a rough greeting, “Yeah?”

“Sam..”

Sam suddenly feels very awake when he hears the voice on the other end, “Cas?” His ribs protest in pain as he jolts up to sit on his bed. 

There is a soft sigh that Sam is too familiar with. “Yeah. It’s me.”

  
“Cas where the hell have you been?” Sam demands, letting his feet hit the cement floor. He ignores the pain that arises in his ribs once again. But the groan he lets out must have given him away.

  
“Are you hurt?” 

  
“Like you care...” Sam accuses. It’s a bit childish but Sam has every right to be angry at the angel right now.

“Sam I-“

“You what, Cas?” Sam doesn’t hide the hurt from his voice. “I’ve been trying to call you for weeks. I left you messages asking you to come back because I needed you. But I got nothing from you,” Sam swallows his emotions and lets the next words spill out of his mouth no matter how much it hurts to say them, “if you wanted to end things then you should’ve just done it outright instead of fucking ghosting me!”

  
There’s brief silence on the other end before Cas says, “I had to leave, Sam. I couldn’t stay... not after everything that happened with Dean. I am tired of apologizing to him.”

  
It’s Sam’s turn to go quiet. Anger rising, he stumbles out of the bed, holding onto his side. “So where does that leave _us_ huh?” He asks, pacing the room like a caged lion. “Your problem is with Dean. Why does our relationship have to bear the brunt of it?” Sam stops pacing to pinch the bridge of his nose. He counts backward from 10 in his head to calm himself down. “Do we even have a relationship anymore, Cas?” Sam dreads to know the answer but he needs to know. He needs to know he isn’t wasting his time waiting around for someone who may never come back. 

  
“I don’t know, Sam,”

  
Sam sometimes hates Cas’ honesty. Why couldn’t he fall for a regular human man who would lie through his teeth and tell Sam that they were okay despite everything?

“That’s not an answer, Cas,” Sam feels as defeated as he sounds.

  
Cas lets out another soft sigh. “I love you, Sam,” those words feel hollow right now. ”And that’s why I never want you to have to choose between Dean and me. Especially not when I know who you will choose. That’s why I thought it was best to leave.”

  
“I would have at least like to have the option,” yes Sam knows who he would have chosen, who he always chooses, but he doesn’t like the fact that Cas took the option away from him. 

“Would you have chosen to leave with me instead of staying behind with Dean?”

  
Sam closes his eyes and exhales sharply through his nose as he lets his head hit the wall behind him. They both know the answer to that. So he changes the topic. “I needed you, Cas. After Rowena, I was broken and I _needed_ you and you weren’t there.”

  
“I needed you too,” Cas admits. “I killed the demon who looked exactly like my son... and I _needed_ you and you weren’t there.” The accusation clear in his voice. 

  
Sam at least had Dean after things got rough. Cas had no one. Some boyfriend he was. Sam loves the angel and he knows that the angel loves him back but sometimes that just isn’t enough. They were both bad at this whole relationship thing.

  
“So where does that leave us?” Sam decides to ask again.

  
Cas goes quiet. Sam braces himself for the hurt. Waits for Cas end everything right here right now.

  
What he doesn’t expect is for the angel to say, “I am not ready to let you go. I want to see you.”

  
Sam’s eyes snap open, “Then come see me.”

  
“No,” Cas somehow manages to make his voice even lower and deeper. “I have a lead on Chuck. I will send you my address. I am heading out tomorrow at noon on the dot, if you’re here by then we can go together. Road trip. Just you and me.” It’s not a question. It’s an assertion. 

  
“Cas-“ Sam begins to say but gets cut off.

  
“If you are not here then I will have my answer, Sam.”

  
This feels familiar. Years ago he was in a similar situation with Amelia. Back then he chose not to. But he didn’t love Amelia the way he loved Cas. 

  
There’s silence on the other end once again. “Cas?” Sam calls out. Nothing. “Dammit,” he curses under his breath and drops onto his bed, letting his phone hit the mattress. 

  
Sam knows there is no way in hell Dean is letting him go look for Chuck without him. Not to mention he doesn’t trust Cas right now which makes things even more complicated.

  
Sam’s brought out of his thoughts when his phone buzzes beside him. He picks it and brushes his finger over the address Cas sent him. He’s in Kansas. He could come to Sam anytime he wants. But he’s testing Sam. He wants Sam to put in the work this time. Truth is, Sam’s not ready to let go of Cas either. He wants to make this work. 

But Dean.

  
Sam worries his bottom lip between his teeth for a couple of moments before making a decision. Opening the notebook on his desk, he writes a letter to Dean, explaining where he’s going. He makes sure to especially assure his brother that he will be back soon. Sam opens the desk drawer and takes out the small framed picture of himself and Cas he hides away in there.

It’s a photo from a year ago when Dean was possessed by Michael. Mary and Jack convinced Sam to act on his feelings. He assumes they got to Cas too because that night Cas set up a “dinner” for them in the kitchen and the main course was PB&J. Jack snapped this photo when Cas moved in closer to wipe the crumbs from Sam’s lips and kissed him instead. They both look so relaxed and in love.

  
Sam leaves the photo on top of the letter on his bed. Dean will understand. 

  
He picks up the duffel bag he always has packed before heading out the door, making sure to slowly shut the door behind.


End file.
